Of Spandex and Shuriken
by ms. phishy
Summary: The Weapons Mistress and the Green Beast? Hey, it could happen! LeeTen drabbles of varying theme and length. Drabble 7: Hormones and Electrolytes.
1. Muscles

Of Spandex and Shuriken

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Q: Why LeeTen?

A: Why not? They're cute and they deserve some drabbles!

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Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Naruto characters--just a couple of Mary Sues... that Tenten later sliced open. Poor Mary Sues!

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Drabble 1: Muscles

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Rock Lee had muscles. There was no doubt about that. Or, least that's what Tenten thought as she watched him train--tirelessly as always. She was flat-out exhausted and even Gai had insisted that they take a break, but Lee wouldn't stop. Perhaps he couldn't stop.

And Tenten couldn't help staring as his body moved rhythmically through space, beads of sweat flying through the air like drops of morning dew.

Such a thing would surely disgust most girls. But Tenten had never been most girls. While they were out picking flowers, she was sharpening her shuriken. While they wore their headbands as silly accessories (a necklace or a belt), she put hers on her forehead like a shinobi would. While they had lusted over the the dark Uchiha, she had set her sights on the pale-eyed Hyuuga.

But even that was changing--as she followed her _other_ teammate with fascinated eyes.

Still, even Tenten would admit that Lee was no looker: he had a horrible haircut, huge eyebrows, and wore a green spandex jumpsuit of all things! He was, however, beautiful when he trained--his movements fluid, brow furrowed in concentration, the green spandex clinging to his muscles...

And, boy, did Rock Lee have muscles...

"Um, Tenten?"

And now, Rock Lee was staring at her.

Shit.

"...Yeah, Lee?..." said a red-faced Tenten.

"Is something wrong? You've got this _weird_ look on your face."

"Oh?" said Tenten, with a nervous laugh. "No... I was just... um..." She had to do some quick thinking now. "I thought I saw Neji over there!"

Yes, there was a good excuse! She had been staring at him (no, _past_ him) because she was looking for Neji! Lee knew that she liked Neji, and he was about as naive as they came, so he'd buy that any day. Right?

Lee's mouth returned to its usual stubborn frown. "But, Tenten, didn't Neji say he was training with his uncle today?"

Damn. That didn't work.

Time for plan B.

"Oh, yeah!" she exclaimed, giggling. "Now I remember! I guess the person I saw must have been... someone else!"

Lee smiled good-naturedly and resumed his training. Tenten was relieved that his naiveté won out after all, though it could just as easily have been his oblivious nature. Sure, he was intelligent and observant, but he was also completely oblivious--in the way that only guys could be.

Lee had lusted for months over some girl he hardly knew, while one of Konoha's coolest kunoichi (and his own teammate, no less) was lusting for him. Watching intently as those perfect muscles contracted in that silly outfit of his.

Tenten rested her head in her hands and smiled, the blush returning to her cheeks. She decided that she didn't care if Lee noticed again. She would simply tell him that she was looking at... aha! someone else!

Genius.

Yes, Rock Lee was no doubt an... acquired taste... not the sort that usually fell prey to rabid fangirl assaults. But Tenten liked him that way--eyebrows and all. At the very least, Lee couldn't be confused with a girl (as Neji frequently was when he began wearing the traditional Hyuuga robes aka manskirt!). Lee's outfit, by contrast, left very little to the imagination.

And, as Tenten realized this, she decided that maybe green spandex wasn't such a bad thing after all.

Her smile widened.

Ah, muscles...

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A/N: Based on ep 142. Yeah, I don't _really_ think Neji looks like a girl, but he's just BEGGING to be teased with that new outfit of his ;-). Keep an eye out for the next installment!

-Andrea


	2. A Much Needed Haircut

Of Spandex and Shuriken

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Drabble 2: A Much-Needed Haircut

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Rock Lee was in dire need of a haircut.

He didn't think he needed one, but he did. Lee's just indenial like that and it didn't help that he was going through a horrible identity crisis. Well, he was... before he met his mentor (and fashion icon), Maito Gai.

The fact was, poor Lee had no parents and, hence, no one to drag him to the barber's. So his shiny, dark hair grew and grew.

He wore it up, like most other long-haired guys, but his style of choice, that long braid, was somewhat silly looking. And, like his inability to do ninjutsu, his hairstyle became a source of ridicule and contempt among the other boys.

It was a sad period in Lee's life. That is, until Tenten came along!

She and Lee hadn't been friends during their academy days; boys still had cooties, after all.

But, being an orphan herself, she could sympathize with his loneliness--made all the worse by their peers' constant teasing. Tenten had never stuck up for him, but at least she never joined in.

One day, after school (and a good deal of harassment) Tenten caught up with the braided boy and pulled him aside.

"What?" he said sulkily, as if he expected her to start berating him too.

"I'm just curious," said Tenten. "Why do you do it every day?"

"Do what?"

"Come here and endure the teasing all day long."

Lee sighed. "I really have no choice, do I?"

"Sure you do," she insisted. "You don't have to be a ninja. I bet you're good at other things."

He frowned. "But, being a ninja is my greatest dream."

Tenten supposed she couldn't argue there. Being a ninja was her greatest dream too.

"Well, see you around, then," said Lee, turning to go.

"Wait!" she said, grabbing his arm. "I've just got the _perfect_ idea."

Lee regarded her warily. It wasn't every day that he was grabbed by random girls, and he found the experience a trifle uncomfortable.

"Um..."

"You just need... a haircut!" exclaimed Tenten, her eyes sparkling. She just _loved_ anything involving the use of a kunai.

"..."

"Well, isn't that a great idea?"

"I've never... had a haircut before..." Lee admitted.

"All the more reason to get one! You know, not every guy is cut out for long hair, if you'll pardon the pun."

Lee hung his head. The ability to wear long hair was yet another area in which he was inferior to Neji Hyuuga.

"Hey, don't look so sad, Lee. You just need to discover _your_ look," said Tenten sagely. "When your hair is just right, every area of your life will improve."

"Really?" he said, getting that earnest look.

Tenten nodded. "So, how about it?"

"Well... okay!"

By this point, all the other kids had run home, so Lee and Tenten had the place to themselves. They went over to the little play yard, but Lee looked a little apprehensive when Tenten pulled out a kunai.

"Don't worry," she assured him. "I've done this before."

After establishing that a shorter cut would suit Lee best, Tenten took his braid and sliced it off in one clean motion.

He gasped, apparently not expecting it so abruptly.

"See?" said Tenten. "That wasn't so bad." And she continued slicing here and there, sculpting his hair as effortlessly as a professional. So, maybe she _had_ done it before...

The resulting do was a short, layered cut that looked cute on him--in a non-silly way.

Tenten beamed at her efforts. "Have a look!" she said, handing him a particularly large and reflective blade.

(What did you think she carried around? A makeup compact? Pshaw!)

After overcoming his understandable unease (geez, has this girl got a knife fetish or something?), Lee smiled.

"It'll be much easier to manage this way," Tenten told him, as if she did this sort of thing everyday. "Having long hair all over the place is such a pain. You like it?"

He beamed at her. "Yeah, thanks, Tenten!"

"No problem," she smiled.

They stared at each other for a moment.

"Well," said Tenten, to break the awkward pause. "You were certainly more receptive than Neji!"

"You cut _Neji's_ hair?" he asked, eyes wide.

"Tried to," sighed Tenten. "But he wasn't too high on that. Let's just say I won't be trying it again anytime soon..."

"Oh well," said Lee, trying not to smile.

"Maybe one of these days..."

Another awkward pause filled the air.

Lee cleared his throat. "Well, thanks again, Tenten. See you tomorrow!" And he ran off home. Very cutely.

Tenten watched him with a slight smile.

"Yeah, see you tomorrow, Lee."

So, Lee finally got his first (and much-needed) haircut. He still couldn't do ninjutsu or genjutsu, but, like Tenten said, having the right do made all the difference in the world.

At the very least, he wasn't teased about his hair anymore.

The ninjutsu and genjutsu? Well, that was another story...

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A/N: I couldn't resist doing a chibi scene. They're all so cute as chibis! Those of you reading my other story, don't worry. I haven't forgotten about it! Being busy and highly distractable is a lethal combination... sweatdrops...

-Andrea


	3. Pepsi

Of Spandex and Shuriken

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Drabble 3: Pepsi

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It was a lovely day in Konoha. Not too humid, not too dry, not too cloudy. For team Gai, it was the perfect day for training, except...

"Gai-sensei's late!!" wailed a certain bushy-browed boy.

Neji sighed and folded his arms across his chest.

Tenten sweatdropped. "Lee... it's only 5:55."

"I know!"

"...Training doesn't start until 6:00..."

"Something HORRIBLE must have happened to him!" cried Lee, tears streaming down his face. "Gai-sensei is ALWAYS here by 5:50!"

Tenten was about to console her teammate, but was saved the trouble by the sudden arrival of her sensei.

"Good morning, youthful students!" Gai bellowed. "Sorry I'm late. I forgot it was my day to bring drinks!" And sure enough, Gai was carrying a six pack--of pepsi, that is!

Lee's eyes widened. "But, Gai-sensei! You said that the consumption of cafinated beverages was unyouthful!!"

"The _over_-consumption of cafinated beverages, Lee!" Gai corrected. "There's nothing wrong with a can of pop every now and then!"

Tenten raised an eyebrow. "_Pop_, sensei? Geez, what planet are you from?"

"All right, enough idling!" said Gai. "I've got to step to step out for a bit to turn in a mission report. In the meantime, I want five-hundred laps around the training field!"

Tenten sighed. Perhaps she should have kept her opinion to herself.

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It should come as no surprise that Lee finished his laps well before the other two. He glanced at his watch. It was pretty close to break time, but not quite.

So what did Lee do? Five-hundred pushups, of course! Even when he finished those, however, Neji and Tenten were STILL running!

'Man, they're slow!' thought Lee, relishing the fact that his number-one rival was now eating HIS dust.

Ha, take that, Neji!

Lee was about to start on five-hundred kicks when an idea occurred to him. A wonderfully evil idea.

Now, Rock Lee didn't have a malicious bone in his body, but an idea like this was just too good to pass up. Lee grabbed two cans of pepsi, opening one for himself and... he looked over at his rival. Neji wouldn't suspect a thing. Lee grinned and gave the other can a good, hard shake.

All in all, the plan was perfect. Neji would be thirsty when he finished his laps, and Lee, being the good friend he was, would be at hand with a soda.

Perfect.

What Lee didn't anticipate, however, was _Tenten_ finishing first. She looked sweaty, exhausted, and (Lee gulped) very, very thirsty.

Tenten smiled at him and jogged over.

"Man, you're fast, Lee!" she said, wiping her brow. "I can't even keep up with you anymore! Oh! Is that for me?" she added, taking the soda before the dumbfounded Lee could advise her otherwise.

"Wait, Tenten! You might not want to--"

Too late.

Tenten snapped the top, the soda gushed out, and Tenten was covered, from head to toe, in pepsi.

Oh, shit.

For a solid minute, no one said anything. Tenten just stood there, soda dripping from her hair and clothes. Lee turned bright red and looked like he was about to suffocate himself from suppressing his laughter.

Tenten turned red, too, but for a different reason.

"Lee," she said calmly, withdrawing a dozen throwing needles. "I suggest you run. Very, _very_ fast."

Lee obviously didn't need to be told twice.

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Two hours later:

"Sorry I'm late, I had to sort out a few problems at--" but Gai paused, seeing, not three young genin, but one.

Neji Hyuuga sat under a large oak tree at his ease, daintily sipping... what else? A can of pepsi. He, of course, knew about Lee's evil plan well in advance and had deliberably run extra laps to ensure that Tenten finished first. All in all, Neji looked (and felt) quite pleased with himself.

Gai, on the other hand, looked confused. "Neji, what happened to Lee and Tenten?"

The Hyuuga smirked. "I don't think they'll be back anytime soon."

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A/N: I hope I didn't insult anyone who uses 'pop'! I have a few friends from the midwest and I tease them relentlessly about that!

-Andrea


	4. Konichiwa, Sakura san

Of Spandex and Shuriken

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Drabble 4: Konichiwa, Sakura-san

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Rock Lee sat beneath a large oak tree. It happened to be 5:50 in the morning, a brisk Monday morning, so of course, he was at Team Gai's training area. The only problem was that the rest of Team Gai was nowhere to be found.

Now, this would normally have upset the ever-punctual Green Beast, but today, he knew better. After all, his sensei had had a good reason for being late the day before, so... he must have a good reason today! Perhaps he had lost yet another battle to his eternal rival and was running a thousand laps around Konoha. That made sense.

But, it didn't explain his teammates' tardiness. Lee thought some more. Well, it was Tenten's day to bring drinks, so... being the horrible procrastinator she was, she probably hadn't gotten them yet.

'Yeah,' thought Lee. 'She's probably at the store right now.' And Neji? 'Probably still brushing his hair!'

That made Lee grin, and for a while, he actually believed it was as simple as that. After about twenty minutes, however, he realized something was wrong. Rare was the day that even one of his comrades was late, let alone all three. And none of them had ever been _this_ late.

Had Gai canceled training today and not told him?

Had they all decided to play hooky?

As illogical as those thoughts were, what other reason could there be?

Lee waited for another fifteen minutes, then left. Sure, he could have just trained on his own, as he'd done many times before, but... for the first time in his life, he just wasn't in the mood. As he headed out to town, he wondered, sadly, why the most important people in his life had ditched him... on his birthday.

Or, had they?

About five minutes after Lee's departure, the rest of Team Gai appeared, carrying a cake, presents, and wearing party hats!

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LEE!!" Gai screamed, causing his other pupils to wince and cover their ears. "On this fine day, you are one year closer to reaching your beautifully blossoming manhood! Yet, you're still at the cusp of your youth!!" And, with that, Gai promptly burst into tears.

Neji sweatdropped and wondered what cruel fate he had upset to be assigned to the most psychotic of senseis.

Tenten was actually the first to notice the obvious.

"Wait, where IS Lee?" she asked.

Gai stopped crying and looked around.

Alas! His favorite pupil was, indeed, missing!

"Oh, Lee, where have you gone?" he cried, throwing up his arms in despair.

Tenten sweatdropped. "We are awfully late, sensei. Maybe Lee thought that training was called off or something."

"Right you are, Tenten!" said Gai. "In that case, I have a new mission for you two!"

"Now you've done it," muttered Neji, scowling at his teammate.

"Your mission is to find and apprehend Lee, so that we may resume our celebratory activities!!"

Neji's expression was a cross between exasperation and extreme discomfort. "Um, Gai-sensei?"

"Yes, Neji?"

"Until we find him, can I... take off this hat?" he asked, pointing at the ridiculous, green party hat Gai had forced him to wear.

"Certainly not!" said Gai. "In honor of your teammate's birth, you will wear your hat for the rest of the day!"

Neji swore under his breath, but didn't argue. He learned a long time ago how futile _that_ was.

"Well, be off with you, then!" Gai bellowed.

"Aren't you coming, sensei?" asked Tenten.

"No," said Gai. "I've decided to make this a competition between you two!"

"... Come again?"

"The first one to find Lee will get... a _corner _piece of the cake!"

Neji sweatdropped. "...Gai-sensei, the cake is _circular_. There are no corners."

"Just go and find Lee!!"

Neji sighed, but did as he was told. He supposed that even running around Konoha in a silly, green party hat wasn't as bad as listening to Gai scream about youthful manhood. And, again, trying to argue would be pointless.

Neji and Tenten ran along together for a while, but Tenten suddenly stopped short.

"Wait a minute, Neji," she said. "Wasn't this supposed to be a competition?"

Neji snorted. "I don't think Gai-sensei actually cares whether we compete or not. He just wants to scream about youth and manhood with his _favorite_."

"But, maybe if I find Lee, _I'll_ be Gai-sensei's favorite for a while!" said Tenten, eyes sparkling at the thought of actually being noticed and appreciated.

That earned her another snort. "Yeah, and maybe the main house will benignly remove my curse seal... Of course, they won't because they think they're _so _much better than me, despite my superior abilities. Well, one day, I'll show them! Maybe _I'll_ figure out how to do that curse seal jutsu... Oh, the possibilities!" Neji rubbed his hands together and seemed to come alive for a moment. But, then his face became blank again.

"No, I can't do that," he sighed. "My father's dying wish was that I protect Hinata-sama and the main house. Even though he's dead, I really should honor that... Still... I _don't_ want to... blah, blah, blah..." he went on (and on), not noticing that Tenten's eyes had glazed over and she was starting to drool.

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Lee had been walking for a while now, with no particular destination in mind. He just walked for the sake of walking, because he was one of those people who derived comfort from motion. He found that he could think clearer and generally felt more at ease. Indeed, to be deprived of his mobility was to be deprived of his soul.

Rock Lee just lived to move.

So, perhaps that was why he ended up back at the hospital. No, he hadn't fruitlessly injured himself while wandering around Konoha; he just happened to end up there. Lee himself couldn't say why and, at that moment, he didn't particularly care.

He went over to that little bridge and just watched the running water, letting his thoughts drift with it. He'd spent a lot of time there during his rehab period, to sort of regroup after therapy sessions (and occasionally ditch therapy). But, in truth, Lee had envied the stream's ability to move so freely, while his movements were slow and painful.

That bridge had also been the place where Sakura had given him flowers and a few words of encouragement. He smiled at the memory. Sakura would probably never know just how her words had affected him. In fact, everything she did seemed to affect him.

But... what exactly was it about her that held his attention? Sure, he'd known her for a year or so, but they still hadn't hung out enough to even be considered friends, let alone potential lovers. Hell, they still used that formal "-san" when addressing one another!

But, it had never been like that with Tenten. The first time Lee had called her "Tenten-san," she just gave him this look that seemed to say: "are you _serious_?" Then, they'd both burst out laughing and agreed to just screw the honorifics. Well, that's what _Tenten_ had said, because Lee was, of course, too damn polite for such crude terminology.

Around Tenten, Lee had always felt free to be himself--his polite, goofy, but ever-youthful self. Still... Tenten had never been there for him when he was injured. And she wasn't with him today... on his birthday.

The second Lee thought that, he felt a sharp pang of... something. 'That, made no sense,' he told himself. Neji was his friend, too, but Lee wasn't nearly as bothered by his lack of support.

Before he could give the matter more thought, however, a clear, female voice rang through the air: "Oh, there you are!"

Lee spun around expecting to see Tenten, but--

"I was looking for you, Lee-san," said the girl pleasantly.

It was Sakura, meeting him again at the very bridge where he had once contemplated his mortality.

He smiled, spirits suddenly lifted.

"Konichiwa, Sakura-san."

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A/N: Ah, Sakura. She makes the whole LeeTen thing complicated, doesn't she? Yeah, I know I already missed Lee's birthday, but, for this drabble's purposes, just pretend it's Nov 27th. This one is a multiparter, because it started to get too long, but, I guess that's the beauty of "varying theme and length!" I feel bad about updating this before finishing ch 6 of TR, but, if I wait too long to do a Lee birthday drabble, it would no longer be relevant--I've already missed his b-day by a week... Anyways, comments and such are always appreciated!

-Andrea


	5. Angsting and a Competition

Of Spandex and Shuriken

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Drabble 5: Angsting and a Competition

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Tenten decided that today just wasn't her day.

Roughly an hour had gone by, and Neji was _still_ recounting each and every evil that the main house had ever inflicted upon his person.

"...And then there was that time at Hinata-sama's fifth birthday. I just wanted to taste the birthday cake. I only took a little bit of the frosting, and Hiashi-sama activated my curse seal!" Neji snarled, his pale eyes burning with the sheer indignity of his punishment. "Do you think that's fair, Tenten?"

"...Huh? Wha...?" said Tenten, jerking up. She had been in sort of a dazed torpor during Neji's tirade and the entire left side of her face was now caked with drool. "Eeeeeeewww!!" she cried, wiping it off.

Neji cocked an eyebrow at her. "Were you even listening?"

Tenten scowled. "Of course I was! You were bitc-- I mean, _explaining_ how evil the main house is."

"Damn straight," said Neji, crossing his arms. "And then there was that time when I was about seven--"

"At any rate!" Tenten interrupted. "We're supposed to be finding Lee, remember? And we've got a better chance if we split up."

"Hn," said Neji, which loosely translated to: 'that's a good idea and I agree with it, but I won't give you the satisfaction of a compliment.'

Tenten knew this because she'd become quite fluent in Neji-lingo by now.

Neji decided to try Lee's apartment first, but Tenten took off in the opposite direction. She already knew where Lee was and had only suggested splitting up to avoid the next installment of the standard main-house rant. She'd heard it so many times before, she could probably recite it to Neji. Word for word.

I mean, talk about holding a grudge!' thought Tenten as she ran to the hospital. 'All that angsting is going to give him an ulcer!'

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At the Team Gai training area, Gai was still anxiously awaiting the arrival of his favorite student. Neji was right, of course, when he said that Gai didn't care whether he and Tenten competed or not. It wasn't even eight o' clock, and Lee's absence had already quelled Gai's flames of youth!

"How dreadful!" he exclaimed, tears streaming down his face. "To be filled with such merriment, but have no one to celebrate with!"

Fortunately for Gai, _Kakashi_ happened to be strolling by! Now that his students were relieved by the sannin, the perverted scarecrow had little to do but visit Obito's grave, read porn, and avoid Gai and his challenges. Unfortunately for Kakashi, that would be quite impossible today.

"Ah, Kakashi, my eternal rival!" shouted Gai, striking a pose. "I challenge you to a competition!"

Kakashi sighed. Despite his growing exasperation with the competitions, he knew better than to argue.

"Who's turn is it to choose?" he asked dully.

"Mine!" said Gai, mentally fishing around for an appropriate challenge.

Let's see... he was in the mood for celebration... but how to make that into a challenge...?

"Aha!" Gai suddenly shouted. "I challenge you to a... cake-eating contest!"

Kakashi sweatdropped. "Don't you need a _cake_ for that?"

Gai flashed a blinding smile and pulled out, not one cake, but several. Hey, Lee's still a growing boy!

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At the hospital, Lee and Sakura were still sharing their deja vu moment.

"Konichiwa, Lee-san," Sakura said with a smile.

"So, um, what brings you here, Sakura-san?"

"I work here."

Lee blushed a bit. "Oh yes! I knew that!"

"But, what brings you here? Isn't this one of your usual training days?"

"Well, you've got to take a break every now and then," said Lee evasively.

Sakura didn't seem to buy that. "Is something wrong?"

"No," he said, though he didn't meet her eyes. "You said you were looking for me, Sakura-san?"

"Yes, I wanted to wish you a happy birthday!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms around him.

Lee blinked, but returned the hug. "You remembered?"

"Of course," she beamed. "How could I forget your birthday? But where's your team? I thought you guys would be celebrating together."

Lee's face fell slightly. "We're... uh, celebrating later today."

Sakura frowned. She might not have known Lee well, but he was a terrible liar.

"Well, what are you doing now, Lee-san?"

Lee nearly fell over the bridge. _Is Sakura-san actually...?_

"Now?" he said."Um, nothing."

Sakura smiled and took him by the hand. "Then I'm taking you out for breakfast."

And before Lee could even respond, the medic-nin dragged him away.

From a nearby bush, Tenten watched the scene with wide eyes, but couldn't understand why it made her chest constrict so tightly.

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A/N: Yeah, now I've thoroughly missed Lee's birthday... Gah! I've just been so lazy. Anyway, there's one more part to this, and then these will go back to being oneshotish. And just a note to Clark Cradic about TR: don't worry about Naruto. He won't mess things up _too_ much. And, thanks for all your nice reviews!

-Andrea


	6. Take Off Your

Of Spandex and Shuriken

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Drabble 6: Take Off Your...

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Gai wasn't there when Tenten returned to the team training area. Nor, she noticed, were Lee's birthday cakes. However, Neji was there and he looked significantly more amused than usual--especially given the fact that he'd failed to complete Gai's "mission."

"No luck?" he asked as his teammate approached.

Tenten shook her head, raising a brow, in turn, at the empty cake boxes strewn about. _Several_ empty cake boxes.

"Did Gai-sensei have the party without us?"

"Apparently," said Neji, the tiniest smirk playing about his lips. "He and Kakashi-sensei had _quite_ the competition. I don't need to tell you who won, do I?"

Tenten slapped her forehead. "So, Gai-sensei's doing laps around the village?"

"No," said Neji, his smirk widening to a grin. "He's... bowing to the throne."

"...Huh?"

From somewhere in the distance, the sound of retching could be heard.

"Apparently," said Neji, dissolving into snickers, "the cake... didn't agree with him. Then again, the fates decree that you can't have your cake... and eat it too!"

At this point, Tenten realized that something must be dreadfully wrong.

"What the hell, Neji? Did someone spike your cereal this morning or something?"

But Neji didn't answer. He was doubled over in a fit of almost maniacal laughter.

"..."

At length, Gai trudged over, looking even greener than usual. Yes, that IS possible.

"If Lee comes by," he croaked, "would you apologize to him for me, and tell him that we'll have his party tomorrow?"

Tenten nodded.

Gai started to go into a nice-guy pose, but then winced and clutched his abdomen.

"Do you want us to walk you home, sensei?" she asked, looking concerned.

That's what they'd done for Lee when he had been similarly incapacitated--except his _condition_ hadn't been caused by cake.

Gai shook his head. "No, no. I'll be fine. We'll just do double training tomorrow to make up for the lost day!" And, again, he tried to pose, but was prevented by some force more powerful than youth.

Tenten found it painful to watch.

"You should go straight to bed when you get home."

He nodded. "See you bright and early tomorrow, then, Tenten... and Neji," said Gai, giving Neji a curious look before departing.

Neji's face contorted strangely and, the moment Gai was out of sight, he dissolved into laughter again.

"Neji, I think your party hat's on a little too tight," Tenten deadpanned. "Anyway... since training's been called off, see you around."

The laughter abruptly ceased and Neji's expression returned to its usual blankness.

"Training has not been called off," he told her. "We _are_ going to spar."

It was not a request, but a command. And it might have worked... on anyone BUT Tenten.

"Well, that's too bad," she told him, "because I'm not in the mood."

He cocked an eyebrow. "What?"

"I have a headache," Tenten smirked. "Couldn't we just cuddle?"

Neji rolled his eyes.

"What? You were laughing your ass off a second ago!"

"Because what happened a second ago was actually funny."

"God, Neji, you couldn't be more bastardly if you tried," said Tenten, but with affection. She knew he was just being sulky because he didn't get his way. Then again, he was sulky most of the time anyway. So it was really a lose-lose situation however you looked at it.

And, knowing that he'd lost, Neji trudged off.

"See you tomorrow!" Tenten called out.

Neji grunted in reply and disappeared into the distance, taking Tenten's good cheer with him. Flirting with Neji, had almost, _almost_ taken her mind off...

'No,' she decided. 'There is nothing to take my mind off of.'

She took out a throwing needle, aimed for one of the practice targets... and missed. Yes, Tenten missed. The damn thing was fifteen feet away, and she still managed to miss it. She threw another needle with the same result. And another. And another.

"Fine!" Tenten yelled, throwing several at once. Then she walked over to the target, and kicked the poor thing--as if it were to blame for her erratic aim.

"The whole damn world's gone crazy,":she muttered. "I missed the target, Neji turned bipolar, and Lee... Lee... Well, he finally got his dream girl... And that's fine with me."

She smiled, but it was sardonic, and mirthless. Which was strange, because she wasn't a sardonic or mirthless person. And flirting with Neji was definitely not the usual routine.

"I guess I've gone crazy too," she remarked to no one in particular, before withdrawing her final throwing needle, and sending it into the wooded clearing.

"Ouch!!" came a cry from the distance.

Tenten groaned. "No way. That can't be..."

But it was! Tenten's aim was apparently intact, because she hit the very person she had been brooding about.

Rock Lee emerged from the woods, looking quite displeased, with her needle sticking out of his left shoulder.

He scowled. "I'm not the practice target, Tenten."

"Sorry, Lee," she said with a nervous giggle. "I honestly wasn't aiming for you. But, really, who says 'ouch' when they're randomly hit by a throwing needle? Have you ever sworn once in your...?"

But Tenten trailed off, suddenly riveted to the circle of blood around the entry wound. It was expanding quickly. Lee obviously had a high pain threshold, because 'ouch' was all he had to say on the matter.

"Oh!" Tenten gasped, before dashing off.

Lee blinked. "Tenten?"

He knew that she was a bit hemophobic, but this was ridiculous--especially where the pointy-weapon style of taijutsu was her MO.

She back a moment later, though, with a big green package in her arms. And there was a red bow on top?

"I was going to let you open this," she said, tearing the paper off, "but the situation requires some... urgency. Um, happy birthday." She smiled weakly, holding out a big box of bandages. "You always seem to be running out."

Lee just stared.

"Um..." said Tenten awkwardly. "You're going to have to... take off your..."

He reddened slightly. "What?"

"So I can... dress your wound..." she mumbled.

Lee nodded and unzipped the top half of his spandex, peeling it off with surprising ease.

Tenten had always imagined it harder to take off--not that she ever thought of actually doing it!

'Whoo boy,' she thought, trying not to gawk too openly at that perfect body. It wasn't easy.

Lee squirmed uncomfortably. "Um, Tenten?"

"Yeah?"

"...Too tight."

Sure enough, the entire arm was turning blue.

"Oh! Sorry!!"

Tenten freed his arm of the makeshift tourniquet and began doing it more gently. Unfortunately, the visage of a certain medic-nin kept popping up in her mind and Lee had to remind her several times to take it easy.

"There," she said when she finished. She smiled nervously. "Sorry again, Lee. Probably not what you wanted for your birthday, eh?"'

"Forget it, Tenten," he smiled back. "But, I thought you'd all forgotten."

"What? We've been chasing you all over town!"

He raised an over-large eyebrow. "Seriously?"

"Yeah! You weren't at the training area this morning and we brought cake and presents and everything! Hell, Gai-sensei even got Neji to wear a party hat."

There was a long pause.

"I missed Neji in a party hat?"

"And cake," said Tenten, pointing to the empty cake boxes.

Lee gawked, counting out five, seven, nine, twelve empty boxes!

"...How did you guys eat all that?"

Tenten sweatdropped. "Eh, long story... But, um, we are going to have a redo tomorrow. You know, buy more cake, wear the party hats again, maybe rewrap that present," she said, pointing to the box of bandages.

"Actually," said Lee, "I've just run out. Of bandages, I mean."

Tenten rolled her eyes. "Maybe you wouldn't have if you were easy on yourself once in a while."

"I know," said Lee sheepishly.

"But your _girlfriend_ already gave you that lecture, huh?"

Lee blinked. "Girlfriend?"

"Yeah," said Tenten crossly. "The girlfriend you never told _me_ about."

"Well, no one told me either."

"Funny."

"Seriously, Tenten! What makes you think I have girlfriend?"

Tenten stared at him. "...So, earlier today, you and Sakura... were...?"

"Just going out for breakfast," Lee finished for her. "But, how did you know about that?"

Tenten turned scarlet. "...Um..."

"Were you spying on me?" inquired Lee, grinning.

"No!"

"Then how did you know what I was doing this morning?"

She smacked him, right on the newly bandaged shoulder.

"Ow, Tenten!"

"Hmph!"

"Geez," he muttered. "It's my birthday and I'm ditched, spied on, hit with throwing needles, and smacked!"

"Complain, complain, complain," Tenten muttered back. "That's all you ever do, Lee."

Lee laughed. "Actually, this is one of the best birthdays I've ever had."

"Where do you get that?" she scoffed. "Like you said, nothing good happened today."

"Well, I got exactly what I wanted," he smiled.

"What was that?" she muttered, knowing well what the answer was. "A hug from Sakura?"

"No, the bandages. I thought I was going to have to start using toilet paper!"

Tenten rolled her eyes. "You couldn't have gotten some yourself?"

"Well, you've already saved me the trouble. Thanks, Tenten."

And he pulled her into a hug. A friendly and platonic hug, but a hug nonetheless.

Tenten felt suddenly lightheaded, and forgot all of her indignation.

"Anyway," he said, releasing her, "since it's just us..."

"Yes?..." she prompted eagerly,

"Want to spar?"

Tenten deflated a little, but smiled. "Sure, if you're in the mood to get your butt kicked."

"We'll see," Lee grinned.

She pulled a dozen throwing needles. "Those bandages might come in handy, Lee."

And, sure enough, they did.

Lee's speed could surpass many things, but not his teammate's aim.

---------

A/N: And that concludes the birthday saga, though I missed it by... ack! a month. A belated Xmas entry is in the works, so keep an eye out for that! Happy holidays, everyone! ;-)

-Andrea


	7. Hormones and Electrolytes

Of Spandex and Shuriken

---------

Drabble 7: Hormones and Electrolytes

---------

Dawn was rising in Konoha, staining the entire village an orangish pink. Shop windows glistened merrily in the early-morning sun, and bare tree limbs groaned and writhed against the wind.

Most of the young nin, particularly an unmotivated member of Team 10, were still asleep. But, from the direction of Team Gai's training area, a sharp, intermittent thwacking could be heard. The slim silhouette of ninja was dancing rhythmically among the trees, specks of sunlight glinting off dark hair, breath coming in sharp little gasps, and a pink flush on _her_ cheeks.

The Weapons' Mistress of Konoha smirked, and let a dozen throwing needles fly, each hitting its intended target.

Satisfied, she retrieved them and went back to do it all again, spinning as she threw them, and hitting every target within a 365-degree radius. Then, she collapsed on the forest floor, sweating hard despite the winter chill. She had been there for hours and was finally feeling the strain.

But, Tenten couldn't say what had brought her there so early--because she was actually finding it harder to wake up in the morning.

She was also becoming increasingly moody and giddy.

Focused and distractible.

Elated one minute, and pissed off the next.

And it had all begun quickly: an acute infection that consumed her entirely within the space of a day--and left her common sense rotting in gangrene.

And it frightened her--because it made no sense. She couldn't relate it to anything she'd experienced before.

But, "Dr. Gai" knew what was going on.

---------

_Flashback_

_"Ah, youthfully raging hormones!" he remarked--to the entire team. "Our beautiful lotus is now blossoming into a woman!"_

_And there was a pause as Neji and Lee stood back to observe Tenten's newly-developed, uh, womanliness._

_"Gai-sensei!" cried the crimson-faced 'woman.' "shut up!!"_

_End Flashback_

_----------_

Even in the chilly clearing, Tenten felt her face flush at the memory. But, at least she had some insight into what was happening to her.

So, hormones were the new adversary, huh? Lee had already fallen prey to them, and Tenten DID NOT want to start making random love confessions to complete strangers.

She sighed and closed her eyes, wondering again what had possessed her to come out to the training field at the crack of dawn. She'd be there for the entire day, ANYWAY!

Just as she was starting to drift back to sleep, she felt a something warm against her cheek.

A hand?

What?

A hand!

Tenten shot up into a sitting position. And banged heads with...

"Ow, Tenten! Why do I ALWAYS get hurt around you?"

"Lee!" she snarled, rubbing her head. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Making sure you weren't dead!" he exclaimed. "What are _you_ doing here this early anyway?"

Tenten glared at him. As far as she was concerned, HE was the one who owed HER an explanation.

"What are YOU doing here this early?"

His mouth formed a stubborn frown. "I asked first."

"Fine," she scowled. "I'm training. Or, at least, I _was_."

Lee looked around and, sure enough, several targets were set up, each covered in throwing needles.

"Now, what are _you_ doing out here?" she asked. "_Besides_ scaring me shitless."

"I _always_ come here an hour early," he said curtly.

Frankly, he wasn't sure what to make of his teammate's increasingly frequent mood swings. But, Gai _had_ warned him that there was a dark side to womanhood. And the knowledge that it would only get WORSE made him shudder.

"Hey, Lee?" said Tenten suddenly.

He stiffened. There was something in her tone of voice that he found... unsettling. As if she were steeling herself to make a confession.

Likely something he wouldn't want to hear.

"Yeah?" he asked warily.

"Sorry for the bitchiness. Still so early in the morning, you know?" She paused and began fidgeting uncomfortably. "Um, there's something I need to... ask you."

"...Yes?" Lee prompted, fearing the worst.

She stared at her sandals.

"...Tenten?"

"Do you...? Do you...?" But, she trailed off and tuned a little pink.

"You okay?" he asked, pressing a bandaged palm to her forehead--and causing it to redden further.

She sighed. "...Do you... have any water?"

Lee blinked. "...What?"

"Yeah," she said sheepishly. "I've been out here for hours, and... yeah..."

His demeanor changed immediately.

"Never fear, Tenten!" he declared. "For I, the beautiful Green Beast of Konoha, will _always _assist a teammate in distress!" And, with a flamboyant pose, he handed her _his_ water bottle--before subjecting her to a _very_ stern lecture on the dangers of dehydration.

"...It's led to more than a few training-related emergencies," he told her. "And, contrary to popular belief, dehydration is nearly as common in the winter as it is in the summer!"

"Oh?" said Tenten, without a hint of interest.

"Yes, because dehydration has more to do with humidity than temperature. And the rate of fluid loss obviously increases with sustained activity," he added. "Which can lead to problems when fluids aren't replaced. Drinking too much water, however, can throw off your _electrolyte_ balance! So, during intense training, electrolyte-enhanced _vitamin_ water is best."

Tenten rolled her eyes. "And _who_ told you that, Lee?" Though she already knew the answer.

"Sakura-san," he said blissfully, his face shining like a beacon of sunlight. "At my last checkup, she told me to take more precautions during training."

"Well, that's good," she said. 'Since you ignored _me_ when I said the _same thing_.'

Lee looked at her. "Did you say something, Tenten?"

"No," she muttered, handing him his water bottle. "Thanks for the _electrolyte-infused_ vitamin water."

He gave her a thumbs up, apparently missing the sarcasm.

"Anytime!"

'So damn cheery,' she thought miserably. 'But, what makes _him_ different from everyone else. And what are we, anyway? Just identical balls of hormones and electrically-charged particles?'

'Well, that can't be true,' Tenten decided, 'if some hormones are gender specific.'

And she knew enough basic chemistry to understand the process of dissociation. That electrolytes were nothing but free-floating ions in the body. And that some compounds readily ionized in a solution, while others didn't. Tenten had always thought of her team as such a compound: one that wouldn't 'dissociate' under _any_ circumstances.

Nowadays, however, she wasn't so sure.

How could ions "know" immediately which other ions to bond with--while _people_ went from one person to the next... and STILL got it wrong?

---------

A/N: Heh... Sorry for the delays in, well, _everything_. (sweatdrops). School keeps me busy. So yeah. I'll probably only be able to update every few weeks or so. On another note, someone requested a beach thingy for one of these. And I thought: "Hey, that's not a bad idea." So, if you have an idea, I'm certainly open to requests. Just PM me or whatever. You might not see your request for a while, because a lot of these are already planned out (and it's hard to get into beach-mode when my car is _completely_ iced over!). But, yeah... I guess I can _pretend_ that it's 85 degrees out. ;-)

-Andrea


End file.
